Day 26

Lately, I've been in a funk.  I want to get out of it, and I've been trying...But I cannot seem to shake it off!  I feel like every night I throw a pity party for myself.  I sit and cry and feel horrible.  I go to bed feeling sorry for myself and I do not want to feel like this anymore.  Every morning I have to drag myself out of bed....and all I want to do when I get home from work is sleep.  I have no desire to go out and do anything fun and I am just feeling very negative. 

In the past I was always the look on the bright side person, and if something bad happened, it sucked and then the next day I was over it or close to being over it.  Now I feel like I dwell more on stuff, and I'm remembering other things that made me upset from the past.  (maybe stuff that I never really got over) 

I think I'm very good at hiding when I'm not feeling ok.  However, someone recently told me that my emotions are written all over my face.  So...maybe I'm not as good at hiding it as I thought?  However if I'm not good at hiding it, then how come no one knows that I've been feeling upset lately? 

I try to pinpoint what is making me upset....however I am sure that it is a combination of things. 

Work is probably one of them.  Sometimes I LOVE my job.  Sometimes I wish that I had picked another profession.  When I stay late and don't get overtime pay...that's when I hate my job.  When I take my work home and am constantly working throughout the weekend...that's when I hate my job!  I sometimes wish that I had picked a job where I can leave on Friday (on time)...and come back on Monday refreshed....a job where I didn't take grading, and lesson plans, and anything else home on the weekend, and work all weekend..just to go back to work and do it all over again the next week.  I want a job where I can take a sick day or a day off and I don't have to  make a lesson plan, put everything out.... and spend hours getting ready for a substitute.  I want to just take a day off and then come back and go back to work.  I understand that I knew all of this before I picked this job...and most days I LOVE my job.....I love the kids...I love teaching them how to read....and write...and add and subtract.  I love seeing the light bulb go on....I love knowing that I made a difference in a child's life.  I love doing the fun exciting things like cutting open a pumpkin, or going on field trips, or reading my favorite book to my class.  So you have to take the good and the bad when you look at things.  But lately all I can see is the bad :(.  I need a day off....or maybe a week! Guess I'll have to wait till December to get a substantial amount of time off. 

so this blog was completely random...I'm sorry.....

I'm just going to post Day 26:

Post a picture of something you wish you could change:

I wish I could change my job!  I've never done anything besides teaching!  I don't want to quit my job...I just wish that I would have tried out different jobs before settling on my job as a teacher.  I am definitely going to be a teacher for a while....no worries...I'm NOT going to be changing my job anytime soon....however....I wonder what other jobs are like....and what I'm missing out on.  I know sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side but  I notice that other jobs sometimes have perks and I notice that the only perk of being a teacher is the summers off...but most people do not realize that teachers do not get paid for that time off....so it's basically a leave of absence...not a "vacation".  Where when you get "vacation time" at another job it's paid leave.  Ok...enough negativity about being a teacher.  I'm going to bed....no pity party for myself tonight....I think